I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
