You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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