If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize