It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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