Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up under a house in Key West
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
