so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
