What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize