omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize