He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
