If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
