It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
honey bunches of taint.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
