I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize