im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
