i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
