oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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