I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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