I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
