Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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