Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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