i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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