I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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