I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
how drunk are you?
Several
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
