im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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