How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize