Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
