After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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