You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize