Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
