I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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