Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
