I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
