Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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