I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
