Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
