I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just blew my weed a kiss
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
