You're my little dorito
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
