That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
