why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
