I am in a vortex of obligation.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize