Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
