we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
