Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
