She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i came on her dog
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
