at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
