party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
