...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
