The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
