Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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