we'll go far in life on tits alone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You ruined the universe
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
