Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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