So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
