there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
where are you?
Hypothermia
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
