I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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