I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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