Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found puke in my bra..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
