So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
