I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
