i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
