I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
