Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
