This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize