i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
