FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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